Awakening to Wholeness

 

Since a young age, I have had a dualistic relationship with my body. My body tends toward having the characteristics of a Masochist (see description here), and when I was a child I decided to take control of my body. When I was ten, I began exercising and stretching my body with a television program that was on every morning. Exercising became an obsession, to be fit and perfect like the Rigid (see description here) body. I became fascinated by gymnastics, and in less than a year was in York University's competitive gymnastics program, where I trained my body to seemingly defy physics - I could tumble in the air. But, I learned as I grew older, that it gave me the false impression that my mind was in control of my body.

 

The body has a wisdom of it's own, and must be heard. By the time I finished high school, the need to be perfect, had made me disassociate my feelings from my mind and body, so I no longer knew what feelings felt like. Without the conscious support of my feelings to guide me, my life began to unravel, until I no longer had control of anything.

 

A big part of my journey of healing was my education and career. I studied fine art, received my BFA, then moved to Vancouver to do post-undergraduate work in contemporary media.

 

I studied at a time when feminism, queer-theory, critical theory, media and film theory, deconstructed cultural assumptions, and these new, revolutionary ideas were an integral part of academic art practice. I gained transformational new insights into both the mind and the body that are shaped by cultural and political forces.

 

My art explored and critiqued the master cultural narratives about the body and how discourse, or its absence, influences our experiences of it.

 

Equally important, through art, I learned about the creative process, which is very similar to the healing process. During my late twenties, I realized the limitations of new age psychology and social theory for healing. It seemed that certain issues needed to be dealt with on an energetic level, one that required me to become sensitive to it.

 

I studied singing by a unique method that uses the chakras; it involved deep breathing and sounding exercises, and it increased my sensitivity to body tension and anxiety, and an awareness of energy.

 

With the quieting of my mind that came with the practice of meditation, I could hear the voice of inner guidance, which enabled me to begin working with energy for healing.

 

I do not see the body as only a physical object, bound by the laws of nature. Beyond the tangible body lies the  energetic body, which is the essence of all matter, as well as the mental, emotional and spiritual bodies. It is virtually impossible to separate the physical body from the ethereal bodies when interacting with anyone, especially when doing massage. This is how I came to the term Intuitive Healing Massage to describe what I do. It is holistic, in its approach of using massage to affect the physical body, and yet it is Intuitive in that I use my inner guidance to work with the body and its energy field.

 

Combining techniques of Swedish Massage, Pressure Point Therapy (studied in Continuing Studies programs) and Hands of Light healing, I see not only with my eyes but with my hands and my mind’s eye, always striving to be present in a conversation with the body. I was guided in the right direction by my childhood friend, who studied at Barbara Brennan's School of Healing, and is herself a wholistic nutritionist, yoga teacher and massage therapist.

 

​I may have always had the ability to feel energy with my hands, and listen to a body 'talk' to me. When I am in the right mental attitude of meditation, surrender and attention, I can feel the electrical impulses from your body and muscles 'talk to me,' and sometimes they convey their reasons for holding tension, which is nearly always a false core belief.

 

Sometimes my energy is able to communicate back to the cells in your body, creating calm where there is a storm, for example, and remind them that they are created with love and are whole. With permission, I convey guidance to help you prepare for the road less traveled - your own healing journey.

 

In closing I wish to say: My awakening to wholeness is only beginning. I am here to learn, and my relationship with others, is one based on equality and cooperativeness. I do not heal. Healing, it seems, is up to you, your body and the Creator. I am here only to facilitate the process.